Home Makeup Tutorials Finally Revealing My Secret | NikkieTutorials: Layers Of Me

Finally Revealing My Secret | NikkieTutorials: Layers Of Me

Finally Revealing My Secret | NikkieTutorials: Layers Of Me

(upbeat music) Ow, oh! (Nikki): You live your life the way you always wanted to live it, without getting judged for who you are, what you are, for what you were in the past. And… you feel so free, and you feel so understood.

And you feel like you don’t always have to talk about your past, or about the thing that hurt you the most. And then… you’re like, “Okay, well, apparently I get to live my life freely.” So why would I bring all that pain back up? Okay, imagine.

.. you’re a young kid, and you find out about yourself, that you hate the body that you’re in. You hate it. You disgust yourself. Every day is a fight against yourself. Your own body. Once you win that fight, it feels like, “We made it, God, we made it.

” And then you make friends, and you’re like, “Oh, they know me for the person who I am, not what I was.” And I don’t know if I’m speaking for all transgender people, but at one point, you want to close the chapter and let it be.

‘Cause it’s always coming back. And so for me, when making new friendships, I was like, “Well, they met me as Nikkie. Why would I have to talk about little Nikkie?” You know, I had my surgery, that chapter was done.

You know? I was like, “Okay, I handled that, I survived, and now I want to live.” So I lived. Hey, guys! So today I’m gonna do a back to school look for y’all. And I’m really excited about this look, because I always wear this to school.

I was known as the transgender girl in school. I was like, this mini therapist to people, ’cause people were like, “Well, she’s been through some shit, we can talk to her.” So, blend it in that crease, but don’t.

.. don’t you dare go any further than that blue. (car engine revving) What a noise, huh? It wasn’t until later, until it started growing, where I was like, “Oh, now we have a lot of people that don’t know.

” And I really liked that idea. I was like, “Oh! Now I get to be Nikkie without the past, without all the opinions, without all the side comments.” So YouTube almost felt like, oh, so now it’s all my friends, because they don’t know about.

.. There’s nothing to be misunderstood, because they don’t know about that part. (soft music) (paper rustling, objects clattering) Is it lying? Yeah. But it’s also protecting yourself. For once, people looked at me for what I could do, what I stood for.

When you’re so passionate about something in your life, and for me, that’s makeup, you want the focus to be makeup, and not who you are, what you are, whatever. What does my gender have to do with makeup? (soft music) The hell with it.

(ethereal music) Hello, guys! It’s me, Nikkie. Hello. Today I am here to share something with you that I’ve always wanted to share with you one day, um… I can’t believe I’m saying this today to all of you, for the entire world to see, but damn, it feels good to finally do it.

It is time to let go, and be truly free. When I was younger, I was born in the wrong body, which means that I am transgender. I feel free enough now for you to truly follow my journey. Not the power of makeup, but the power of me.

(soft low music) That’s the problem, you never know when the timing is right. You never do. I even spoke to my mom about it, I was like, “Linda doesn’t know.” And I spoke to my mom, I was like, “I mean, do I tell her? Do I.

..?” I’m like, “She’s my best friend. She knows everything about me, except for that.” And then my mom would look at me and be like, “But that’s the past. You’re you now.” And my mom too had that sort of anger, like, “Why would she have to tell everybody? Why?” – Especially after telling you, I was like, “What if she’s.

.. What if, in her mind, she thinks that there’s even more that I’m hiding?” It’s so frustrating that when you have a secret as big as this, and you finally tell someone, it’s like, how do you show someone that that was it? Like, that was.

.. That’s all I got. I wonder if you… know that, that this was… that this was it. There’s nothing more to hide. – I think… because we know each other so well, I felt, I immediately felt all the pain.

– Mm-hmm. – And the first thing I wanted to do was to drive to you, because I just wanted to reassure you that it was okay. And I saw in your eyes, like, this very question. Like, “Does she trust me?” – Mm-hmm.

– And we gave each other a hug, and what I felt during that hug was… both of us saying, “It’s okay.” – Have you felt anger? – Not a second. – Really? – Do you reckon I felt anger? – I assumed. ‘Cause I feel like that’s a natural thing to do, like, if you tell someone a secret they didn’t know for so long, and then you finally tell it, there must be some sort of, like.

.. – In the beginning, I had to get used to the… the feeling that there was a different story that I didn’t know, but it wasn’t anger. It was more, like, it was a surprise to me that… that you were so caught up in this story but it didn’t feel like a lie, because the first thing I felt was your pain.

(soft music) I think it’s really important to… for any trans people out there who are watching, know that it’s okay to not want to talk about this. ‘Cause it frames your life. But also know that once you do, you’re probably out for the better.

(chuckling) I have forgiven myself for wanting to protect my freedom. I have forgiven myself for doing everything in my power to protect me. But I’m proud of myself for the change I can be… …in this world.

Today we’re here to film a message for the top people at the UN. Together with Minister Kaag. If anyone would’ve told me that this would be happening in January, I would’ve slapped you in the face. I get to be a part of change.

Like, actual change. – Dear all, progress comes from challenging the status quo, and standing up for what’s right for human rights. – You know what would be really cool? If I had an impact on this Earth that wasn’t just makeup, but I got to do something for this planet when it comes to the people, and people in need, and I feel like we’re really doing that today.

– I’m delighted to share this stage with someone who deeply inspires me… – I think Nikkie changed for the better. She is such a different person than she was, I don’t know, seven, eight months ago. She has this sparkle in her eyes, she has acceptance in the world.

You experience so much love I experienced already so much love of people saying, “Oh, my God, Nikkie’s so amazing.” And she was, I think she’s overdosed with love. – Some of you might know me as Nikkie Tutorials.

Under that alias, I had the change to reach millions of people on my platforms. I’ve used these channels for several important… I mean, that one thing that I was so afraid of… being known for what I am, as opposed to what I do, still happened, ’cause now I’m known for being transgender.

But I also get to help people with it, so that, like, balances it out. (laughing) – I just started recording YOLO. (Nikkie snorting) Um… Let me see… (laughing) the video settings. – Hi! I’ll get to the fangirling later, but oh, my God! (laughing) Today I am joined by the very reason why I am here on YouTube.

Please welcome to my YouTube channel, Lauren Conrad! – Hi! – Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Ugh! If I could go back in time, ’cause I remember the moment where I was in bed, I had the flu, I was watching The Hills, it started at like, one in the afternoon, and went until ten at night, and I watched it two days in a row, I was obsessed.

And every time Lauren came on, I was like… I wanna be her! She’s so… gorgeous, and like, she was like everything that I felt like I wasn’t. – Infatuated. – This is the most full-circle moment of my life! (Linda): Do you still want to be her? – No, I don’t know.

‘Cause like, in one way, I think my younger self would’ve been like, I would’ve traded in a heartbeat, ’cause like, I would have a normal youth, I wouldn’t have to mess around with, like, a body that didn’t feel like mine.

But now, I’m like… It made me pretty awesome, I think. Or like, it taught me a lot about… Like, I wouldn’t be me if it wasn’t for… everything that happened. Hey, YouTubers! …to do this look. Wait, hold on.

Make it dark, blend it out. Just wipe it off every time. So we’re just gonna blend that. Shadow. Don’t go all the way in. That yellow. Gonna put it on my inner corner. Right here. …for our brow bone.

And then put it on. Get my, uh… This is my desk, and… I only had one line. The other arm… Feel like Lady Gaga! Keep it really natural. Just be yourself. Sort of like Ice Age… That’s so… I’ve been thinking about getting.

.. I’m blind now. Keep it on the bridge of the nose. Keep it light. A little bit more yellow. Smokier… Perfect sort of… …as it is on my… …it should recolor. Or something else. A little bit above it.

Follow. And just with a bigger brush. Damn, I love this blush. It looks so cool. That freedom I spoke about, it has been magnified by ten, hundreds, thousands, millions, because what I thought was freedom before is a locked up version of freedom now.

Freedom is waking up every god damn morning and being like, I have no secrets! (laughing) I wake up in the morning, I’m like, I have nothing to hide for anyone! That is freedom. – Nikkie, I… you look amazing, and you look beautiful, and.

.. – I love you even more! Like, you’re so amazing. – Yes. – I was tearing up. I feel like we were both tearing up watching a coming out video. – You’re you, like, you know? You’re you, and that’s beautiful, and it’s amazing.

– I love you, and you have my support. – You’re absolutely amazing. – What you did today means the world to so many people. You’re changing lives. – Nikkie, I’m so proud of you, and I know you’re not gonna watch this, ’cause I’m nobody on YouTube, but if you ever watch this, I’m proud of you.

Very proud. You go, girl.


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