TOOTHBRUSH MAC Hey y’all. It’s ya bitch. Today I’m sick. More like I’m hungover-I’m hungover (that’s more like it) So today you get a vlog of me and my bedroom featuring my lemon tree WITH A tOoTHBrUsH I swear it’s there.
Don’t look hard enough though (over exposed *facepalm* I know I overexpose the shit out of my videos, don’t have to tell me twice. So today I’m being a YouTuber, and jumping on a trend train because..
. … …………… A TOOTHBRUSH So there’s a trend going around of people doing makeup tutorials from other people. Thomas Beauty did it, (queen) Jeffree Star did it, (queen) Ricky Dillon did it, (queen) Grace Helbig did it, (QUEEN) and now ya boy MacDoesIt is finna do it.
(EVEN MORE OF A QUEEN) I just noticed how stupid my name is. (your name aint’ stupid heeny) TOOTBRUSH So I have a decent collection of makeup that I have either bought or was given to me because apparently when some people see this face walk by, the first thing they think of is beauty vlogger (not far from the truth honestly).
I asked you on Twitter asking you guys whose makeup tutorial wanted me to follow and unanimously you all voted for Tinashe Mongolia The toothbrush fucker herself. Now I watch her videos from time to time so I guess you can consider me a Stan of Tangerine Mongoose Moral of the story: if you make enough YouTube videos, maybe one day you too will be fucked by a toothbrush.
A TOOTH B R U S H! Mac: Hahaha (Toothbrush) Mac: Now for anybody that makeup is their passion or they do makeup for a living I highly suggest you stop watching this video. Go do something else with your life and try your hardest not to hate me even more than you probably do right now.
Here we go HE FUCKED ME… (Tana within Tana) WITH A TOOTHBRUSH! Mac: Which Tana should I become? How to Cake Your Face Like a Pro: a Trilogy? How to Cake Your Face Like a Pro: Christmas in Hawaii edition? How to Cake Your Face Like a Pro 4: I got Lip Injections? ShOOk Or How to Cake Your Face Like a Pro: Makeup Routine? A toothbrush Tana: Hi Mac: Hey bitch.
It’s Tana Mongeau. Mac: Why is there a stain on your wall? What happened? Who did you hurt? Did you KILL someone? You killed someone. You probably killed someone. TM: So if you wake up every day looking like a naked fucking mole rat- Mac: There’s a stain on your shirt.
Just an observation. I don’t know why I paused it. So the first thing you’re gonna do is use some hand sanitizer Mac: Hmm, skipping that. I’m gonna use this shit. It’s by NYX, it’s called First Base (toothbrush).
It’s a primer spray. Mac: Primer spray…don’t have that. I have cologne. Is this close? This is close. This close? Let’s just use this water. Toothbrush. Mac: Oh yeah. Prime me daddy. OOH FUCKK! Is that what she does? SHOOK! *Spoopy noise scares Mac* SCARED ME! (simultaneously): It’s like $10 Then you’re gonna use a Benefit Pore-fessional, I really like this stuff ’cause I have really big pores.
Mac: Pore thingy (Oh Hunny so so un-educated) Don’t have that either. I have chap stick, is that good? Let’s do it. Oh, shit this almost feels as good as a Bella Thorne upon my vagina (WTF HUNNY WHY!!!!!!!!11!!!!!) Toothbrush Marc Jacobs Remarkable Foundation Mac: Hey, great, I don’t have that But I do have Mabelline Super Stay (yeah).
I got it in what I think is my shade instead of her shade ’cause I don’t want to be that problematic on YouTube yet. I’m not at a million subscribers. Can you see it? SHOOK Put this all over my face, use way too much, that’s the goal Mac: Put this bitch on.
.. OH… OH! Alright you’re supposed to… WOO OOOOOO Okay, mommy Tana, Tana mommy Maaaaa Tanaaaaa Naaa… Toothbrush A toothbrush SHOOOOOK Did I do it? Is it all my face? Wow! I don’t think this is my shade.
Is that how it works? *laughter* Toothbrush I bought it on the internet because I’m too lazy to go outside (same). We all know this. Okay great. Now she’s holding a what I believe is a Spongey Egg. Oh my god.
I think I have one of those. Holy shit. Oh He’s a beauty guru now bitch HWWHHHHhhhhh So now we just blend it in our face Oh yes. Oh God. It looks like I’m smearing diarrhea all over my face. Is this normal? mommyyyyyyy (with a TOOTHBRUSH) (Uncomfortable laughing) I look like a graham cracker.
This looks like a butt plug experience gone wrong. You know what the hell I’m talking about Gays. It looks decent now! It looks decent now right?! I’m doing something right. I’m doing my shit (I’m cumming) Mac: We’re all coming.
.. to my tour, come to my tour. Then once I beauty blend it- I take just like a flattop synthetic brush all around my skin and like swirl the foundation around. Mac: Great, now we need a brush. OH MY GOD I have brushes too! WOW! I am Such.
A. Beauty. Guru. Taco Montana *weird strangled noise followed by laugh(cute laugh)* (TOOTHBRUSH) Mac: Is this supposed to be soothing or something? Make like a triangle shape create like a highlighted–TOOTHBRUSH Mac: Under eye concealer.
.. What the hell is that (it’s for bags under your eyes hunny) I have some Cinno Professional Makeup. Which is not in English. Don’t know what this is but it’s going to be our undereye concealer today Toothbrush So we take this shit, undereye triangle Am I doing it Tana? Just beauty blend this in OHHHHHH She also said on the bridge of her nose.
(WHATBRIDGETHOUGHHUNNY) The bridge of my nose is more like a freeway bitch OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH TOOTHBRUSH Boom, Tana Mongoose TM: Once I’ve done that I’m gonna go ahead and set my face. Mac: What the hell is setting your face- Now I’m gonna contour Mac: Contour What’s contour? *laughs because Mac doesn’t know what contour is* I have bronzer is that something, can I use that? Imma use that.
So then I’m just gonna put this in the like 3c thing that you see all beauty gurus do. Mac: What is the three Cs? A TOOTHBRUSH Mac: 3 Cs So we’re just gonna do this. On the cheekbones? MMMMMMM Did it do anything.
Is that was it’s supposed to be doing? *moaning* I am so black that putting on bronzer makes my skin lighter. *more laughter* AAAAAHHHHH. AaaaHhHhH Boom. Honestly, we look the same Then I like to just take the yellow powder in the middle and put that on the tops of my cheekbones- Mac: I don’t have yellow powder Tana.
Tana I DON’T HAVE YELLOW POWDER. But I have whatever the hell this is bitch. Yesss This is what sex looks like. (its true) Now I’m gonna go ahead and fill my brows in Mac: Fill in brows???! With a toothBRUSh Mac: What? *OOOO intensifies* I think this is a.
.. OOooO Look at me planning ahead! WITH A TOOTHBRUSH- Mac: Oh no. Am I just supposed to ehhhhhhhhhhhhh Am I doing anything? Is anything happening And now I guess we just. Brush them? Yessssssss I have no idea what I’m doing.
Lately I’ve actually been wearing eye shadow- Mac: Eye shadow. Is this eye shadow????????? Have I been putting eyeshadow on my face? Okay. So I’m going to start off with my transition shade in the crease because I’m a fUcking beauty guru and I know what that is.
Mac: The hell is a transition face crease? TOOTHBRUSH And then I’m gonna put this in my crease Mac: ‘Kay, color. On the crease. Get it bitch Right? Yeah. Beautiful. And now we do- what? What is your crease? Is this my crease? Am I creasing it? Is this where where I crease? Did I do it? Did anything happen? Oh ship.
I am Tana Mongeau. I’ve always been Tana Mongeau. Boom, bitch. We all need to be fucked by toothbrush one day. ….with a toothbrush. Mac: Tana Mongeau! I honestly feel like a super beginner at eyeshadow, and you want to just like ease into it you can totally just put a transition color like this in the crease, blend it out really well, and then just put like a white or like a shimmery color all over your lid and then put lashes and eyeliner and I still think that that looks really really pretty.
Mac: Awesome. I don’t know what the hell that means so we’re just gonna stay with this. TM: Now I’m gonna take this white color and put this all on the inner corner A TOOTHBRUSH Mac: ‘Kay. White shit Inner corner.
This? (nope not even close) Is this what we’re doing? Is that wh- is that beauty? Bitch. Something happened, I don’t know On the middle of my lid I’m gonna put this like pinky shimmery shade and just like blend that into the white.
Mac: Pink shit. Oh my god. Ugh. I’m so tired. HE FUCKED ME Why can’t this be over? Why can’t I just be beautiful? Why can’t I just wake up and be Tana Monjellyo??? TNow take this shimmery like bronzy color Mac: OH MY GOD MORE EYESHADOW! (simultaneously): and put that on- Mac: Bronze shit into the other shit.
I don’t know. Wa boom. Wa bam. Wa pow. Wa dang- I don’t know why I put brown on my brown ass skin, like if that’s gonna do anything in my life. But I’m gonna take this like burnt red brownish color, Mac: Oh my god (simultaneously): and put that under my eye.
Mac: EVEN MORE EYESHADOW Great, some burnt orange shit. This. Put it on whatever the hell and under the eye shit. Boom, Pow. *moaning OH MY GOD* My stalker fucked my with a tooth brush in an Uber that almost killed me.
HTM: TOOTHBRUSH Oh like this bitch knows what she’s doing. It looks like that. Mac: I am beautiful. Maybe he’s born with it. Maybe it’s a mistake (first one (^3^)) Now I’m gonna take a liquid eyeliner that totally isn’t mine and I’m just gonna put a super thin line across my eyelid to blend my lashes into my lash line.
Mac: Whatever the hell that means. Liquid eyeliner which I have because I am professional. Now we just *silence because Mac doesn’t know what the fuck to do then laughs it off* I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS IS! And then she puts it on her lashline??????????????????? What’s a lashline??? Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
*nervous laughter*. Okay. Wait, shit. Ow. Okay, okay, okay, oka-psh. Toothbrush Mac: Yes. Boom. *laughter* He’s beauty, he’s grace, he’s the world’s biggest mistake. Tana would be proud of this. I’m doing her justice.
Look at this shit. Fake eyelashes I got him *laughs* So we have Glam, Volume, and Sexy. Let’s do Sexy. How do you put these on? TM: Then I’m gonna use Duo eyelash glue in black, and I’ve said this I- Mac: Oh, eyelash glue?????????????????? (but we don’t have that) Just gonna take it off and.
..put it on our face? Like this? There we go *laughs* We’re going with it. Next one. Wa boom. Beauty. Grace. Tana Mongeau. Putting on mascara after you put on your eyelashes just to blend your real eyelashes with your fake eyelashes- Mac: Mascara???????????? I don’t have any of that????? TM: I’ve gotten a lot of dick in my day Mac: Me too bitch, honestly in my dreams.
Now we’re just gonna…what. This? Nope. Put it on the bottom too you know just a little boop boop be boop boop *laug- you know what I’m just gonna this last one* TANA MONGEAU Boom. I mean I have more stuff, let’s put on a little bit more Let’s become extra Tana Mongeau.
TOOTHBRUSH Mac: I have some of this. I think this is highlighter???????? Is that what they call it, the thing that makes you shimmer??????????????? I think this is where the beauty gurus put it. I’m not even sure.
Who doesn’t like to be shiny? Who doesn’t like to be a shiny princess? *you know what’s he doin’* I’d fuck me with a toothbrush. And then we also have some lip gloss. Ka bam. This color’s called “Girls Night Out”.
It’s 2018. It’s anybody’s night out now. Bam *you know what he doin’* Oh.. my godddd…. Here we are Tana Monjello Wait a minute Wa bam *you know what he doin’* “Hey guys, it’s me, Tambourine Montague.
” HE FUCKED ME WITH A TOOTHBRUSH *Mac’s version* He FuCked mE WiTh tOOtHbRuSh I’m speechless. What else does Tana Mongeau say? Moral of the story: anyone can get fucked by toothbrush. Comment down below: am I a better Tana Mongeau than Tana Mongeau? Anyway, I’m gonna go suck some dick now.
(YES HUNNY LIVE YOUR LIFE AS TANA MONJELLO) As Mac. Go on tour and then sell some merch, you know I mean? Like I don’t even know what I’m talking about but like at the same time like I’m gonna like really talk like this and I like I don’t even know.
They really wanna fucking do all that shit, and I’m like oh my god what the fuck you talked about like fuck. My fucking Uber driver, right, like my fucking Uber driver like my fucking Uber driver was like “holy shit I’m like a trash ass bitch” and I’m like “I don’t even know what the fuck I’m talking about”, and like she was like, “oh my god”, and then like they almost crashed And they almost kill me and they tried to shove a fucking TOOTHBRUSH UP MY BUTT My name’s Mac, I mean my name’s Tana Monello, and don’t forget to fucking like and fucking comment fuckin subscribaeeebe *MOANING INTENSIFES* Fuck me with a toothbrush Fuck me with a toothbrush (AS ALWAYS LIKE, COMMENT, SHARE AND SUBSCREBAEEEEEEEEE———— BWAAAAAAAAAH) (GO MAC TO MAC’S TOUR SITE (in info below) FOLLOW MACS TWITTER AND LOVE THE LEMON TREE HAVE A NICE DAY BITCHES)