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Stephen Gives A Presidential Makeup Tutorial

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Stephen Gives A Presidential Makeup Tutorial





TRUMP’S ALSO SPENDING HIS FREE TIME ABOUT DOING RALLIES. HE HAS HAD THREE OF THEM IN THE LAST WEEK AND HE’S REALLY RAMPING UP FOR THE MID TERM. >> I’LL GO SIX OR SEVEN DAYS A WEEK WHEN WE’RE 60 DAYS OUT AND I WILL BE CAMPAIGNING FOR ALL OF THESE GREAT PEOPLE THAT DO HAVE A DIFFICULT RACE.

AND I WILL BE MAKING THOSE RACES MUCH, MUCH MORE DIFFICULT. WITH VOTERS GO INTO THAT BOOTH I WANT THEM TO BE THINKING SEX WITH PORN STARS, KIDS IN CAGES, AND RUSSIAN COLLUSION. GOOD NIGHT CLEVELAND. AND TO GET READY– (APPLAUSE).

>> Stephen: THANK YOU, YOU GUYS ARE A CHEAP DATE. (LAUGHTER) AND TO GET READY FOR ALL THIS FALL MID TERM BLISS, TRUMP IS STRATEGIZING LIKE AN NFL TEAM, LET’S SAY TRUMP REVIEWS HIS SPEECHES ON TIVO AN WHEN WATCHING REPLAYS, TRUMP WILL INTERJECT COMMENTARY REVELING IN HIS MOST CONTROVERSIAL LINES, WAIT FOR IT, SEE WHAT I DID THERE? LOOK MOM HEE, (LAUGHTER) >> LOOK, LOOK MOMMY, I MADE A DOO DOO ON THE CONSTI-TOO TOO.

I’VE BEEN BAD. (LAUGHTER) YESTERDAY TRUMP HAD A RALLY IN OHIO AND AS HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN KNOWN FOR HIS DEEP BRONZER, HE DEBUTED A NEW SHINIER LOOK. DISARY GOD, HIS FACE LOOKS LIKE A BIKE REFLECTERMENT AND I KNOW, I HAVE BEEN TOLD BY SOME MEMBERS OF MY STAFF THAT SHIMMERING HIGHLIGHTER IS HOT RIGHT NOW, BUT YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE C3PO CROSSED WITH A GLAZED HAM.

EVEN TRUMP– (CHEERS AND ( APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: OOOH, YOU WANT SOME GLAZED HAM? >> Stephen: I COULD GO FOR THAT RIGHT NOW. EVEN TRUMP KNEW IT WAS KIND OF WEIRD, BECAUSE HE TRIED TO EXPLAIN IT AWAY. >> IT’S 110 DEGREES IN THIS CRAZY ROOM! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IF YOU CAN TAKE IT, I CAN TAKE IT.

>> Stephen: NOPE, SORRY. ( LAUGHTER ) I’M GOING TO FACT CHECK YOU THERE– IT WAS 1,000 DEGREES IN NEW YORK THIS WEEKEND, AND I DIDN’T COME HOME LOOKING LIKE THE DEAD GIRL IN “GOLDFINGER.” ( LAUGHTER ) AND I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT THAT’S MAKEUP, BECAUSE I HAVE A MAKEUP TUTORIAL CHANNEL, WHERE I EXPLAIN TO ALL MY FANS HOW TO GET THAT LOOK.

JIM? >> Stephen: HEY GUYS, IT’S ME, WELCOME BACK TO “STEPHEN: ON THE FLOOR.” BEEP, BOOP! I’M GOING TO SHOW YOU HOW TO GET THE HOTTEST, MOST PRESIDENTIAL HIGHLIGHTS. IT’S CALLED, “SHINY SHIMMERY” AND IT’S A FUN AND EASY LOOK YOU CAN TAKE FROM GOLF TO RALLY.

WHAT YOU WANT TO DO IS TAKE OUT YOUR GOGGLES, I’M USING SPEEDO HYDROSPEX. YOU WANT TO PUT THEM ON REALLY TIGHT, OKAY? THE MORE SUCTION, THE WIDER AND THE PUFFIER AND MORE PRESIDENTIAL YOUR EYES WILL BE, OKAY? ( LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ) THEN, YOU WANT TO PUT ON A THICK IMPENETRABLE LAYER OF BRONZER.

I’M USING CHANTECAILLE RADIANCE GEL BRONZER. BOOP, BOO-DOOP, BOOP. MMM. THIS IS WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE, THIS IS WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE. OKAY? AND THEN DON’T WORRY, OKAY? WE’RE GOING TO PUT THAT ON. ( LAUGHTER ) DON’T WORRY ABOUT YOUR EARS, OR YOUR NECK, OR YOUR HAIRLINE, OKAY? BOOM, SUMMERTIME GLOW.

( LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ) THEN, TAKE OUT YOUR HIGHLIGHTER, OKAY? FENTY BEAUTY KILLAWATT FREESTYLE HIGHLIGHTER BY RIHANNA. BUT YOU CAN ALSO USE CRUSHED UP CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS. ( LAUGHTER ) OH, LOOK AT THAT.

YEAH, OH, LOOK AT THAT, UH-HUH. MM-HMM. ( LAUGHTER ) NOW, REMEMBER, A LITTLE BIT GOES A LONG WAY. ALSO, A LOT OF IT GOES A VERY LONG WAY. ( LAUGHTER ) DON’T BE AFRAID TO DEFINE YOUR UPPER LIP, OKAY? THERE YOU GO.

( LAUGHTER ) OKAY, MMHMM. BEEP, BOOP! ( LAUGHTER ) ♪ ♪ ♪ NOW, TO GET THE BEST EFFECT, YOU WANT TO BLEND EVERYTHING WITH A SLICE OF BOLOGNA. I LIKE TO USE OSCAR MAYER CHICKEN AND PORK. THE RENDERED FAT REALLY SEALS IN YOUR HIGHLIGHT.

( LAUGHTER ) SO NOW YOUR LOOK HOLDS UP TO A SWEATY, PANICKED DENIAL OF GUILT. ( LAUGHTER ) THEN, RIGHT BEFORE YOU GO ON STAGE, TAKE OFF THE GOGGLES. ( LAUGHTER ) SO YOU GET THE SHARPEST, REVERSE-RACCOON EYES.

GIRL, YOU ARE RALLY READY. OKAY, GUYS, SEE YOU NEXT TIME. DON’T FORGET TO LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE. BYEEEEEE! BEEP, BOOP! ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WE’VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

CHRIS HAYES IS HERE! BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, JEFF SESSIONS’ RELIGIOUS DEFENSE TASK FORCE. STICK AROUND.





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