Home Makeup Tutorials The Pressure To Perform | NikkieTutorials: Layers Of Me

The Pressure To Perform | NikkieTutorials: Layers Of Me

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The Pressure To Perform | NikkieTutorials: Layers Of Me





(celestial music) – Nowadays, I try as much as I can to put the phone down and really be in the moment. Because the people around me really need more priority than views. Before, I would get really caught up in numbers.

(young Nikkie): Oh my gosh! I’ve just reached a thousand subscribers on my channel. I would never think I would reach 5,000 subscribers. Over 200,000 subscribers. Holy crapping (bleep). I do remember uploading my first video, and it got, like, seven views, and like three comments.

And I was like, “Seven people…” (laughing) “…saw this?” (crying): One million. And for that, I am so thankful. Ten million subscribers on YouTube. (excited screaming) Ha… this is insane. You get on this, like, high.

And you feel like you’re on top of the world. And then, um… naturally, views lower a bit, and you’re like, “Oh, wait.” (Nikkie on computer): Alright, guys! So I hope you enjoyed this PartickStarrr..

. (Nikkie humming) …PatrickStarrr video. (humming) (Linda): So you’ve uploaded your video. And then? – And then I set a timer… …for an hour. And then if it’s good after an hour, I’m fine. I’m like, “Oh, okay.

It’s a good day.” If it’s bad after an hour, I’m like, “Ahh! ‘Kay!” (gasps) (duck quacking alarm tone) First hour. Oh! 170. That’s… That’s like, a little above… good. (Linda): 170 thousand? – Yeah.

– Oh, really? – Wait, you expected more? – Well, no. I don’t know. – Anything close to 100 is bad. That would be like, ooh, we in trouble. – And then what would you do? – Promote more, but then I don’t want to promote too much, ’cause then it’s like, eh.

.. Um… So 170 tells me it’s, you know, it’s a good start. So um, usually then within the next hour, is… if it drops really fast after the first hour, we’re in a little bit of trouble. If it’s just, if it steadily goes down, it’s good.

It’s got 17,000 likes in one hour. Um, it’s got 1,400 comments, it’s got 100 dislikes. But who cares about that? Um… Oh! 180! We’re good. We’re doing good. – That fast? – Yeah, 180. We’re doing good.

Yay! Today was successful! (sighs) Let’s eat. (laughing) Thank God we didn’t work for nothing. Thank God we stayed awake. Thank God we didn’t, you know… (exhales slowly) (soft guitar music) (Linda): Did you do many cover stories? – I did one.

– You did only one? – I did one cover. – Why is that? – I don’t know. – You nervous about it? – Little bit. See, the thing is, with me, I love being in control when it comes to, like, taking photos, or like, videos, or.

.. And then when someone else does it, and like, takes over, I’m like… “But like, what about my double chin?” Or like, “What if he doesn’t capture the look how I have it in mind?” Which is, you know, it’s fun to learn how to let go.

(indistinct chattering) (soft celestial music) (indisinct chattering) (soft guitar music) (woman): Okay… (Linda): What was that face? – What face? – I saw your face. – When? – During the shoot. – I don’t know, I didn’t feel.

.. Um, you know… Strong and beautiful. And I was a little sad, ’cause pretty much all the clothing was too small, which made me feel insecure and makes me question myself, and makes me, you know… Oh well.

And I feel like after a shoot, you should feel beautiful and confident, and like you can take on the world. But today I’m going home as if I’m like, I need to lose weight, I need to work out, I need to do this, I need to do that.

(soft celestial music) (Linda): Why is it so hard for you to speak up for yourself? – Well, I think maybe because I’ve always had to… …prove what I could do, and what I’m worth, and… all of that, that I don’t want to.

.. disappoint anyone. (Linda): Why is there no manager? – ‘Cause I like being in control. And I don’t trust anyone except for you. I feel like it’s time to let go of a couple of things. And I feel like I need someone to speak up for me when I can’t.

(laughing) – Hi, I’m Wes. And I think I have the nickname Manager Tutorials. Pretty fresh, but I’m Nikkie’s manager. (indistinct chattering) Aaron. His name is Michael, right? I tried managing somebody else next to it.

Failed miserably because there’s enough to do with Nikkie. So I’m just Nikkie’s manager. (woman): So let’s give a real big, warm Australian welome for Nikkie de Jager! (crowd cheering) – Hi! (crowd): Nikkie! Nikkie! Nikkie! Nikkie! – Hi! – Oh, my God, there’s a lot of you! Hey, hey, hey! (upbeat music) Hello, guys, it’s me! Nikkie! Hello! (crowd cheering) Thank you for being here.

And the gold is really gonna add that sparkle! ‘Cause when, in life, when you’re in doubt, sparkle it up. (laughing) – Nikkie creates every day, and everything that she’s put out there is being judged by numbers and comments.

So there’s pressure to act and be the perfect person, and you have people judging your work all the time. (applause, cheering) – Beautiful! (Nikkie): What’s the Dutch Word of the Day for beautiful? (all): Mooi! – Nothing makes me more excited than like, a beautiful jawline, and mine is non-existent.

(Linda): Hmm. – And I can, I can be at my skinniest, I can be at my most fat stage of my life, and I will always have this. And that’s why… …I’m cutting it off. (Linda): Is there anything I could say that would stop you from doing this? – No.

– No? (laughing) I thought so. – Nope. Good luck! (laughing) – But do you know for yourself when it’s enough? – Mm-hmm. – When is that? – Um… We’re getting there. (light music) Oh… (laughing) (soft guitar music) (waves crashing, gulls squawking) (Linda): Can you tell me a little bit more about your family? – I have one crazy nutball family.

(laughing) Yeah, we got a bunch of, like, great characters… (laughing) …which I love. Like, my mom is my mom. Like, there’s nobody like my mom. She’s so sweet and caring, but she’s funny, and like.

.. What I love most about my mom is that my English is, you know, can’t complain. But my mom’s English is like, woo! Mom! (laughing) Damn! She called a mojito a “momoto.” Gotta love mom. And then my brother is.

.. You know, my brother is just funny, and kind of does his own thing. And then it’s a bunch of characters altogether. (gulls squawking) (soft music) (waves crashing) One thing we used to do as a family is when I got another million followers, we would go out with each other.

Mikai, my little brother, would tell us that he would feel a weird bump in the back of his knee, and we would joke around about it, we would be like, “Oh, look at you! You have a bump in the back of your knee! Poo-poo!” You know? You’re 12 years old, like, what can it be? Um, an electric car thingy.

– Yes. – It’s for him. – Okay. (Nikkie): On Christmas Eve, we heard that it was cancer. He was so optimistic about it, he was so strong about it. He was so, like, “Okay. I got cancer. Now we’re gonna fight it.

” And never in his entire battle… …did he ever complain, did he ever say, “No, I’m not feeling that well.” He was always like… Whenever you asked him, “How are you feeling?” He’d be like, “I’m good.

” It’s like, he is the strongest little man I’ve ever known in my life. (soft music) – Thank you so much. – Thank you. Thank you! Have fun! See, every person has a way of handling things. Some people, you know, live every second of the rough time.

Some people focus on other stuff, and my coping mechanism is focusing on work. I was totally diving into… …keeping my mind off of things. Like, not letting it happen in my mind. ‘Cause I know that as soon as I let it in here, I’m doomed.

(curious percussive music) (woman): Yeah, I’m really excited, and I’m excited about everything we could do in Europe together. (Nikkie): Yeah! (man): Cool. – She flew in just for this meeting. – Wasn’t gonna miss the chance to meet you.

– Aw! (all laughing) – I’m very serious. – We would love your thoughts or any ideas that you have. – I really stand for that glam and that sparkle, and that, you know, make you feel your best you. So I would be, like, what if you do a mini collection of like, the most craziest, beautiful sparkly gloss like this? – Mm-hmm.

– And then have a unique formula that also goes on the eyes. And I can already see a visual of like, one half of the face being a little bit more subdued and matte, and then one half being like, oh, my God, sparkles.

– Cool! – You know? So this eye being super matte and clean, and this having all the sparkles and then having a lip being sparkly here, so it’s like this flowy… (man): Yeah. – I love that. – Let’s work together to make your vision come to life, because that’s amazing.

(indistinct chattering) (soft music) (Nikkie): You try to ignore it, but work. The more work the better. (dial tone beeping) (soft music) (Nikkie): In a way, it took me losing Mikai to set my priorities straight.

It took me losing a family member to wake me up. (both): Hello, guys! – It’s me, Nikkie. – It’s Mama! – Hi, Mama Tutorials. She gets my mental breakdowns on a daily. (laughing) – Yes. – I love you so much, I’m so proud of you, of the woman you have always been in my life.





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